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Saturday, March 5th, 2005
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10:21 pm
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Alboj (A little bit of Japanese) is the newest geek language. Here is the dictionary that Goo and I are working on.
sugoi = I have just orgasmed all over myself
Hai = As you wish, master!
kawaii = Ooh, look, something shiny!
kowai = reality disturbs me
-sama = please allow me to give you head
-chan = Yes, I am suicidal.
-san = this is the only honorific I know, but I want my characters to sound like they're talking in Japanese
pocky = sugar rush
neko = this is the only animal name I know in Japanese
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
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7:59 pm - The Grandoise Return of Lavish Lexicon with Professor Goo!
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I hope your vocabularies haven't suffered too much in my absence, because it's that time again!
Hentai Factor
When a female character who has small breasts while dressed has a huge rack when she is undressed.
Origin: Okay, so I was watching porn! But it was thinking about a non-porn manga that made me coin this term.
EXAMPLES:
Any female in any hentai ever made.
Manga Integra in Hellsing
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, December 26th, 2004
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3:10 am - Wino Day
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On Wino Day (December 29) Bitzy the Happy Magic Wino will stumble over to the yard of one good boy or girl and pass out on their front lawn. The worse she smells, the better.
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, November 12th, 2004
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5:39 pm
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>Hey Carly its Brent. Upon reading your draft I have come to realize that
you must have been confused as to the topic you were supposed to write
about. Pursuiant to the posting on the Convenors board covering the
topics everyone agreed upon in class, your subcategory was "the U.N,
unilaterialism, and Reaction to U.S invasion" but it seems you wrote a
conclusion piece for the group.
Okay, no, I was supposed to _research_ that topic. I was _writing_ the Main Argument for the piece.
Upon having a discussion with a rather snarky friend, we came up with this reply:
Hello, Brent. Upon reading your email, my friend and I concluded that there will be a rather loud pop when your head gets unstuck. Maybe you'll also be able to see what you're typing and be able to spell pursuant right and use the correct "it's" when referring to the phrase "it is".
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| Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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4:18 pm
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Now some of you may have heard me (Mars) discussing the "phallic teacher" aka Dr. Ashley and his strange classes. Well, I am taking one of his classes for the second time and this time decided to actually record all the strange quotes (or at least as many as I can write on paper...he spits them out too fast sometimes.)
Ashleyisms 8/24/04:
"You can call me Dr. Ashley, Dear Sir, You Who Have Risen to the Highest of all Colleagues".
He says this every semester. I think he's serious.
[continuing from last quote] "You need to practice this in front of a mirror: 'I am not worthy.'"
"I live in COOR 6704."
That being his office.
[goes on long rant about how long he's been teaching this class] "Ever since I left grad school a year ago..."
"Maybe they're incarcerated at Guatanamo Bay."
Wondering where missing students are.
[Tells students to close eyes along with him, so anyone not registered can leave without embarassment since he's not giving overrides] "I'm sure dozens of you have...oh, damn, you're still here."
[student comes in late, Dr. Ashley picks on her, and then finishes with this] "Well, everyone else calls me something different, but you can call me 'Dr. Ashley, you sonofabitch."
"We returned sovereignty [to Iraq] as though it were an iron we'd borrowed... if we were nighttime thieves of sovereignty, we are unusual thieves in that we returned it."
[talking about the Cold War] "We had to buy a gun to shoot the neighbors who tried to get in [to our bomb shelter]. My grandma lived across the street, and this was a problem if we'd have to shoot her too. ...These were troubled times."
["conversation" between reporter and Beirut civilian] "Is this the liberation you had in mind?"
"Well, no, this is more like incineration."
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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4:02 pm
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The weird email of the day. Will spork it when I get a chance.
Each burns alike, who can, or cannot write,
Hõpe to have a bìgger pènis ?
Wè hãve the stùff the pornstãr use to have bìgger
pènis, contrõl their orgãsm and boõst their èrection
Ordèr Hère
http://avernex.com/?xc55059t&banner
Where Beams of warm Imagination play,
Their Generation's so equivocal:
Of the place and the hour, and the secret dread
Eloise
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| Thursday, August 19th, 2004
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9:57 pm
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Continued junk mail snark.
Lose Weight Easy! Prescription Medications from CanadianA
Mars: It cuts off, so I'm not sure what "CanadianA" is. What scares me more is that this email was sent by "Flossie Boswell."
Gen.eric Vi.agra,Gen.eric Phe.nter.mine,Gen.eric Paxil,Zoloft
Mars: Well, this is certainly a generic email. :P
Have you ever let anyone treat you like a game? These people love it ,,ordinate ...
Mars: The only possible response to this is "What the fuck"?
Keep your memories alive with a Free Canon Digital Camera!
Mars: It's aliiiive! It's aliiiiive!
Gain the Erecti0n, 100% natural
Mars: Not just an Erecti0n, _the_ Erecti0n.
Stop smoking in just 7 days
Mars: I suppose I'll have to start, first. [goes out to buy pack of cigarettes to chain smoke] What? It's a free offer. I want to take advantage of it.
clean ur computer drive from virii nQj
Aleeash, have you small pen1s ?
Mars: All your base are belong to us.
it will be better portulaca cal
Want to be hooked up for next weekend?-conductor cockpit Want to be hooked up for next weekend?-conductor cockpit - from "Angel in your Eyes"
Aledw cask coward dusty
Mars: ...Sure, whatever you say.
Calls routed from cells phones for free- chaise bladderwort
Mars: What does "chaise bladderwort" have to do with anything? And for that matter, what is "bladderwort"? It sounds like something from Harry Potter potions.
compensate
Mars: Well at least they're honest.
alebious@geocities.com: is your skills about to expired?
Mars: I didn't know skills had an expiration date.
I do magic - Poof - You have a business - Poof - It is exploding - Poof
Goo: That...is one really talented e-mail. Too bad I didn't actually get any of that stuff.
If you die. Love continues. Protect your Family.
Goo: I am now thoroughly depressed. Thank you vague, morose, badly punctuated spam.
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| Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
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9:21 pm
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| Thursday, March 11th, 2004
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9:14 pm
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Sample sentences from my Chinese text (minus accents):
Qian xiansheng mei you qian ye mei you pengyou, keshi ta taitai hen haokan.
Mr. Qian has no money and no friends, but his wife is really pretty.
Qian xiansheng shuo you sige nupengyou henhao, keshi ta de Riben taitai shuo bukeyi.
Mr. Qian thinks having four girlfriends is very good, but his Japanese wife says he can't.
Neigeren bunanbunu, shi xiansheng haishi xiaojie?
That person is not male or female, is it a guy or a girl?
Neige da, zheige ye buxiao.
That one is big, this one is also not small. (Okay, to be fair, at that point "big" and "small" were the only adjectives we knew...)
It reminds me of that SNL skit (I think it was on SNL) where the guy says something in a foreign language and then it turns out to be really random.
current mood:  amused
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
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8:59 pm
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AGirlNamedGoo278: God, we're weird ~_~
slytherininblack: It's better than sitting around going, "Oh my god! And then she was like, 'no way!' And I told her that she should not have done that, but she never listens to me, so he broke up with her. ...He did? No way! He did not!"
AGirlNamedGoo278: Very true
slytherininblack: No way!
slytherininblack: *ducks*
AGirlNamedGoo278: We'd rather just sex each other up
slytherininblack: Someone commented on the ASU community that he saw a girl the other day that he was half expecting to pop out a chihuahua dressed in a little pink sweater.
slytherininblack: Indeed.
slytherininblack: That's a _much_ more productive use of our time!
AGirlNamedGoo278: Amen!
AGirlNamedGoo278: Think of all the time we could be wasting on writing and schoolwork!
slytherininblack: *snickers*
slytherininblack: Or on having conversations that consist of phrases like "no way! Ohmigod!"
AGirlNamedGoo278: Ohmigod!
AGirlNamedGoo278: You, like, read my mind!
slytherininblack: Ohmigod! No way!
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 10th, 2003
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3:17 pm - I don't even want to know...
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Just from the search strings that land people at my site, I learn more about humanity than I ever cared to. Here's some of the highlights:
concealing pierced ears
Okay, some of these I can get why you would end up at my site if you search for it, but this one is just beyond me.
geminis are bisexual
That's a pretty broad generalization. What's the basis of this? Gemini=twins=two=bi=bisexual?
robbing a candy machine
I know why you'd end up at my site if you searched this, but sadly I don't actually have the instructions on how to do it. All I know is it is possible.
brother's grimm english german shoe guard
Had me right up until the "shoe guard" part.
dog jealousy
Another one that I have no clue why you'd end up at my site. Especially since I hate dogs and tend not to put them in my writing...
drinking chants
I write most of my own. It's fun! Try it!
feeding tube mask piss
Um...people sure do have some weird-ass fetishes.
fertility status for geminis
Your odds of getting pregnant are directly inverse to your age and desire to get pregnant. Hope that helps!
instructions on how to steal candy from candy machines
A repeat because it came up again a month later. Someone's awful persistant...
my hair fetish
*Shifty eyed* And moving right along...
oxygen tank respirator coma
The person with the weird fetish strikes again. Unless this person was serious. Then I feel kinda bad.
queen of the mole people
I give this as my real name on my bio. I don't even want to know why someone would search it.
smoke into little man humiliate
.......
squeaking futon
I didn't know futons squeaked. I know bedsprings do, but...
the open window saki setting
That was...random.
three members album white jeans
If this is a real album, I'd like to see it.
how to steal from candy machines
And for the third month in a row...
bisexual scorpios
Is there a dating service where you can find them?
And all the rest are for anime, porn, or both.
Visit Puddleofgoo.com, but try to google some interesting things to find it. ^_^
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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12:07 am - Ah, childhood...
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When the Star Wars: Special Edition came out years and years ago, there was a display with Chewbacca at the grocery store (for Pepsi). We actually asked to take it home with us, and they let us. (We had that thing for years, too.) But I always remember that because I suggested if they didn't let us take it we pick it up and run through the store shouting "lookie lookie I got a wookie!"
Why the hell I am recalling this right now, I don't know...
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 9th, 2003
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10:01 pm
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From a conversation people were having on a PS2 game my brother was playing online:
Person One: Dude, stop acting so damn gay!
Person Two: *Not who person one was talking to* But I thought the whole point of the Internet was the act out our homoerotic fantasies in a non-persecutable medium.
Person One: Um...no.
Person Two: Then forget I said anything.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 6th, 2003
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5:10 pm - And now....
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| Sunday, November 2nd, 2003
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12:02 am
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| Friday, October 24th, 2003
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1:59 pm - Moron of the moment...
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>Y DOES EVERYONE THINK THAT T.K. IS GAY!?!?!?!?
HE IS NOT! HE LIKES KARI! IT IS THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE! SO FUCK THAT SHIT! P.S. DAVIS SHOULD DIE DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE !
AHAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHA
Okay, let me bring your attention to a little something I like to call "the end of 02": TK and Kari have kids. Not with each other. Now, the conclusions that one can draw from this are: TK does not like Kari; TK likes Kari but it didn't work out and therefore they moved on; TK likes Kari but he likes other people too.
Now as should be obvious from those options, TK is free to date other people. Now, maybe that means he's not gay, but there is such a thing as bisexuality. And I'm sure "everyone" does not think TK is gay. You obviously don't. I doubt 10-year-olds watching the show think he's gay. I'm sure there are lots of homophobics out there who think TK is "sr8! Hes st8, dammit!" becuase that sort of person never has good grammar and can't be bothered to type full words.
"IT IS THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE!" Ouch. Maybe if you type a little louder and in bigger letters and mabye bold it, the capitol letter waves will infiltrate my brain and give me a sudden desire to write straight fic.
Now that I'm done with that, I would like to again point out the end of the season. If TK is "supposed" to like Kari, why didn't he marry her? Oh, I guess the producers don't know how it's "supposed" to be, either.
And why is he supposed to like Kari? In all my readings of Digimon fic, the evidence for the fact that TK and Kari were supposed to be together was as follows: a) they were the youngest Digidestined b) their crests "go together" c) their Digimon both transform into angels.
Um, what? Sorry, but I'm not convinced.
Come back when you have some decent arguments.
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| Sunday, October 19th, 2003
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3:43 pm - Watch the Great Goo Eat Her Foot!
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I recieved an interesting e-mail recently from the "writer" of the fic below. In it the "writer" denied writing the flame. And I believe her. Why? Because her e-mail was coherant and well-worded. In that she admitted that fic was bad and has since abandoned it. She said that she had read my fics and that she enjoyed them and isn't the kind of petty person who would flame me because I flamed her first. She said she had been flamed in the past and that made her realize her wrongdoing.
So I apologise, Cookie6. Apparently the flame below wasn't from you (I only flamed one other fic, but that was an accusation of plagerism and not pointing out Mary Sues). I guess we'll never know who wrote the review and in the end it doesn't matter. Just please forgive me for wrongly accusing you of writing a review you obviously didn't.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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8:09 pm - Moron of the Day
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Today's Moron of the Day is brought to you by those lovely folks at Fanfiction.Net (where else?). First you have to know this started with a very long and very negative review of this fic (note: don't read my review unless you want spoilers to Get Backers). Basically to summarize my position: don't write a fic on a series unless you have actually seen it.
The girl who wrote the story (or some poor soul who likes her writing, although I'd hope it's the former) started leaving nasty reviews in my review sections, which I am deleting and disabling anonymous reviews. I don't mind negative reviews (or I wouldn't be posting the crowing glory on here) but I only want them from people with the balls to sign their reviews.
That said, here is the Coup de Grace of the flames:
A Girl Named Goo,
The following review has been submitted to: Wilhelm's Manuscript Chapter: 1
From: 4me2know()
YOU"RE A BITCH FROM HELL! THERE IS A SUCH THING AS CONSTRCUTIVE CRITICISM BUT I
GUESS WITH YOUR LARGE AS BRAIN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO REMEMBER THAT SMALL FACT.
YOU HIGHLY INTELLIGENT WANNA BE WHO GOES AROUND SMASHING OTHER PEOPLE HOPES!!
FUCK YOU! THIS SIGHT WAS DESIGNED FOR NOVICE WRITERS IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMNED GOOD
AT WRITING THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON A SITE LIKE THIS? TAKE OUR
PROFESSIONAL ASS ON AND PUBLISH ALREADY..OH OOPS OR COULD IT BE THAT YOU'RE NOT
AS GOOD AS YOU THINK? FURTHERMORE I GET SO TIRED OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU RUNNING
AROUND INSULTING THOSE WHO PUT FORTH AND EFFORT TO TRY AND WRITE BUT THERE WORDS
MAY NOT FLOW AS YOU MAY LIEK OR THEIR GRAMMAR MAY NOT BE THE BEST. EXCUSE ME UT
WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD YOU LITTLE TART. IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMNED CONCERNED
ABOUT HOW SOME FICTIONAL ASS CHARACTERS ARE WRITTEN MAYBE IT BEST YOU STAY YOUR
PATHETIC ASS OFF A FANFICTION SITE AND SPEND MORE TIME AT BOOKS A MILLION OR THE
GOD DAMNED LIBRARY BITCH!!
OH AND INCASE YOUR WONDERING WHO SENT THIS, LETS JUST SAY I READ YOUR REVIEW OF
SOMEONE ELSES WORK AND IT PISSED ME OFF.
P.S. IF THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN OFFER I THINK YOU SHOULD TRY AGAIN!! BITCH!!
Once again, let's take this piece by piece (although I must say, writing your reviews entirely in caps just adds to the class now, doesn't it?):
From: 4me2know()
How cute. "4 me 2 know n u 2 find out", right? I hate chatterspeak with a flaming passion, but let's ignore that for a moment and move on to the major infraction: no e-mail address! Awww, is it possible little miss fangirl has the courage to dish it out but she can't take it? Well, that's obvious or she wouldn't be doing this to begin with.
YOU"RE A BITCH FROM HELL!
When have I denied that? Look, I can be perfectly reasonable. But when you peddle shit expect to get nothing but shit in return. You can't honestly expect to get a good review from any self-respecting Get Backers fan for writing a fic using characters you know nothing about in a plot loosely (and I do mean loosely) resembling that of the show.
THERE IS A SUCH THING AS CONSTRCUTIVE CRITICISM BUT I
GUESS WITH YOUR LARGE AS BRAIN YOU DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO REMEMBER THAT SMALL FACT.
Yes, there is such thing as constructive critisizing. Compare my flame to yours. Yes, I flamed you. No, I don't regret it because you deserved it. When you flagrantly disobey the basic rules of fanfiction (i.e. actually watch the show before you write about it, try to keep characters in character, et cetera) I get a little pissed off. You ignored the constructive criticsm, so I had no choice but to get mean. You want some constructive criticsm? Fine. Take down that fic, watch the rest of the series, and then try to write another fic.
YOU HIGHLY INTELLIGENT WANNA BE WHO GOES AROUND SMASHING OTHER PEOPLE HOPES!!
Highly intelligent wanna be what? I don't want to be anything. I just wanted to tell you to get a clue. Sorry if you are forced to confront the sad fact that not everyone is going to like your fics. Not everyone liked my early ones, too. And you know what? I took down those early fics and I improved. I am not smashing your hopes. I am telling you that on your current path you are going absolutely no where, so maybe you should listen to what the nicer people who were apparently in much better moods and have the patience of saints have to say and improve. And thank you for calling my highly intelligent, but I just happen to research my fics. (Including basic geography. Toyko is huge, so huge that the Get Backers characters only live in one district. And Osaka is several days' drive from Tokyo.)
FUCK YOU! THIS SIGHT WAS DESIGNED FOR NOVICE WRITERS IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMNED GOOD
AT WRITING THEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON A SITE LIKE THIS?
Your liberal use of profanity is really scoring you points. 1.) FF.N wasn't designed for novice writers. It was designed for all writers. Look up the profile for someone named Kracken. She's a published author who still writes fanfiction on FF.N. I only put my stuff up on there because there are a lot of people who don't know where else to look for my writing but are keeping up with my stories on there.
TAKE OUR
PROFESSIONAL ASS ON AND PUBLISH ALREADY..OH OOPS OR COULD IT BE THAT YOU'RE NOT
AS GOOD AS YOU THINK?
Actually, I could publish, thank you very much. I just have very few projects that are novel-length and I am not happy with those that are. I am already planning to submit a short story to this newsletter. I would like to see you try. No, really. You try. Basically what I am getting is you want all the good writers to leave FF.N so all the bad writers won't have competition.
FURTHERMORE I GET SO TIRED OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU RUNNING
AROUND INSULTING THOSE WHO PUT FORTH AND EFFORT TO TRY AND WRITE BUT THERE WORDS
MAY NOT FLOW AS YOU MAY LIEK OR THEIR GRAMMAR MAY NOT BE THE BEST.
So people other than me have told you to run a simple spell and grammar check? According to your bio your first language is English, so I am not letting you fall on that excuse. I guess this is what you have been doing with the "constructive criticsm" (read: nice requests to run a spell check) you've been recieving. Keep talking. Your score is already well below zero.
EXCUSE ME UT
WHO DIED AND MADE YOU GOD YOU LITTLE TART. IF YOU'RE SO GODDAMNED CONCERNED
ABOUT HOW SOME FICTIONAL ASS CHARACTERS ARE WRITTEN MAYBE IT BEST YOU STAY YOUR
PATHETIC ASS OFF A FANFICTION SITE AND SPEND MORE TIME AT BOOKS A MILLION OR THE
GOD DAMNED LIBRARY BITCH!!
I guess we don't have a Books-a-Million here in Maine, but I'll just assume it's a bookstore. And no one died and made me God or FF.N Nazi. All I ask is that you at least see the show. You can't honestly think something you wrote where all of the characters are so horrible OOC that you can't tell who they are without the repeated use of pronouns. Fanfiction should be easy. The creators give you the setting, the characters, and a plot outline. Just run with it. If you don't want to stick with being IC, then write an original.
OH AND INCASE YOUR WONDERING WHO SENT THIS, LETS JUST SAY I READ YOUR REVIEW OF
SOMEONE ELSES WORK AND IT PISSED ME OFF.
Actually, I have no doubt who this is. But by denying that you wrote the story you are showing real pride in your bid to defend it, just like when you didn't sign your reviews. Yup, you're a real class act.
P.S. IF THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN OFFER I THINK YOU SHOULD TRY AGAIN!! BITCH!!
Here I think she is talking about the fic she is leaving this in the review section of. First, I doubt she actually read it. I am not claiming it's the greatest thing ever written (I am quite unhappy with certain parts, actually) but if someone read my fic and her fic one after another objectively they'd have to concede mine is better simply because I have mine beta read and I keep the characters reasonably IC, not to mention I actually research stuff I don't know instead of winging it. Next, she left this review on the first chapter of nine. At least go to the last chapter and review if you are going to pretend you read my fic.
So, ladies and gentlemen, there is our Moron of the Day!
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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8:07 pm - How They Pick the Pope
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Earlier today we (read: me and people you don't know) were talking about how you pick the pope and apparently there is this long voting process involving fire and everything. So our thought:
Survivor: Vatican
Current Pope: "Cardinal Antonio, you have been voted out of the pool. Please bring your votive candle up to be extinguished."
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10:29 am
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My dad works for the state of New Mexico. He owns a palm pilot, of the black-and-white, does nothing exciting variety. He wanted to upload the software from it to the state's computer so that he could back up his schedules, etc. from it. But the state has a policy that no one can upload software onto it.
The state's solution? Buy him a $500 palm pilot that _is_ compatible with the state computers.
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(comment on this)
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